Depressed? Barely.

I didn’t really work hard.

I know I didn’t.

I have to keep those words in mind to hold on to my sanity, because God knows how I really want to start blaming the whole world for my misfortunes, or whatever you call them.

I only have the right to blame me, not my instructor, not my friends, not destiny, and definitely not God.

For a year now, I’ve been asking what I lack. I’m comprehensive, if there is such a word, I listen, I review, I cram, I sometimes read ahead of class, but that would be rarely, since the subject itself  rarely interests me too. Yeah, I’m at my limits.

I’m in despair.

And as a matter of fact, I’m really, really annoyed.

And that idea annoys me all the more.

It’s crazy! I’m crazy!

Madness to the nth degree.

Desperation is gnawing my insides, and it hurts like hell.

I’m telling myself not to wallow in self-pity but that won’t do, because I’m every inch a human, and that is but normal.

To have my self-esteem crushed into bits, my future shatter right in front of my eyes.

And the things that cause me to see red is that, I allowed it.

I did nothing!

Not devote myself to this effin’ subject, not try to at least learn.

I only do what I do the best, I divert myself to things that are in every way the opposite of what I should have done and what I should be doing.

And now, I come face to face with the materialization of my very own version of REGRET.

Yeah, I’m so sorry for myself. My poor little stupid girl self.

And the last statement didn’t even make sense, much like my own state at the present.

Awww. Life sucks. I know.

The uhm… note above just shows how depressed I am.